If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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