the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
