i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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