Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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