this just has baby written all over it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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