just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
