Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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