i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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