I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
