Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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