Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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