Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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