Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
