the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
