checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When are your genitals available?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
