Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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