i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
