i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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