Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
