you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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