the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
