I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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