Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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