made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
is that a dick in a sweater?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
