I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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