i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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