he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
