Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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