she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
