i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Two words: blizzard sex
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
