I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
