Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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