its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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