I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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