when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im drinking this country out of the recession.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
