Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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