Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
