Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
