I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
