I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
