Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
