Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up under a house in Key West
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