My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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