I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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