PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
