i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
