I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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