4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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