I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
