I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
