she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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