Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
