That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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