The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
