Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
