Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
