I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
