I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
