And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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