I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
