I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
