is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
worst night to have a conscience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
