Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
