You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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