His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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