Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
