everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
