Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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