Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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