I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
