I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I fill condoms, not promises.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
