ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
