I should be sponsored by Trojan
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
