Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
